


Daffodil

by iris_14cheonsa



Series: dancing particles of light [5]
Category: Kamen Rider Zi-O, 快盗戦隊ルパンレンジャー VS 警察戦隊パトレンジャー | Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patoranger, 騎士竜戦隊リュウソウジャー | Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger
Genre: Gen, nothing is canon in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-07-10 15:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15952673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iris_14cheonsa/pseuds/iris_14cheonsa
Summary: a collection of tokusatsu one-shots inspired by weird captions i make on tumblr + funny postspurely crack so no need to take it seriouslyedit 26/5/19:a translation is now available inchinese!





	1. Perpetual

**Author's Note:**

> the closest i could get to a flower that meant "odd" or "strange" was the daffodil; one of its meanings includes "uncertainty"  
>  **edit 26/5/19:** i already said this in the description, but thanks to the efforts of @mimiq on ao3, this now comes with a [chinese](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18962074) translation! thank you very much for spending time and effort to translate this crack series ^-^

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because even though he’s from the future, there’s a chance the time travelling machine doesn’t have an adequate toilet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Date written:** 11 September 2018  
>  **Series:** Kamen Rider Zi-O  
>  **Author's Note** \- Featuring "Baby Belt" Geiz and the mishaps of not having a toilet in the time machine  
>  Inspired by a caption I made to this [post](https://iris-14cheonsa.tumblr.com/post/177712764234/triumphantsalad-look-at-these-dorks-also-why)  
> There may be what some people would call an "easter egg" in here so see if you can catch it  
> Please forgive any OOC because it's only been one episode (at least, I only saw one episode) and I just wanted to write this crack

Their history books told tales – no, a time when men marvelled at the prospects of the future and anticipated the revolutionary changes it would bring. But they didn’t know what beheld the people of Geiz’s time.

Technology has advanced, their fashion has changed, the land had become barren with nothing but shacks, dirt and corpses in sight. All ruled by a self-proclaimed king who boasted of his power and finished Geiz’s companions with a sweep of his gloved hands.

Geiz had to stop him.

 

 

But in spite of their technological advancements, it couldn’t be said that _everything_ in the future had become modified. For one, the time machines.

Had it not been for the wretched king and his path of destruction, Geiz would’ve done _something_ to allow adequate space for what even people of the future required. Actually, needed – Geiz has had fellow soldiers who perished because they couldn’t expel the contents of their stomachs.

“That’s why you need these,” an elderly man insisted, holding up two pairs of pants identical to the ones Geiz wore.

Geiz shook his head. “As you can see, I’m completely – ”

“You won’t be fine when you’re jumping about time, my boy,” the man interjected, humming to himself. “When I was your age, I had the opportunity to change time myself. Though unlike you, the time portal was contained in a flying castle. Ah, yes. In the end I didn’t change much; I only set the future on a firmer route.”

“But I will change history,” Geiz insisted.

“That’s what all the young folk say now. I was like that too.” He folded the pants and pushed them into Geiz’s open arms. “You _will_ need these. Trust me. Castle Doran was wonderfully furnished but it still lacked a bathroom.”

 

 

Geiz was fine. He didn’t need the man’s advice – Wataku? He barely caught the name – but was touched by his kindness. Well, not enough to wear them. Geiz therefore folded the gift into a neat bundle and stowed it out of sight, out of mind. He gripped at the controls, steadying his breath.

It was his turn to alter the future.

Maybe by then the pang of stomach pain would disappear.

 

 

Within minutes Geiz found himself under a _clear blue_ sky, with the rectangular buildings he’d seen in his textbooks – they were called “apartments” – standing tall and proud. He’d marvel how real the past was; that is, until he caught sight of _him_. The Overlord of Time.

Geiz studied him carefully through the screen projected in front of him. It struck him that no one had ever seen the Overlord unmasked. Perhaps it was because he was too old; everyone knew Zi-O had been born at the turn of the new millennium. Therefore he’d be around sixty-eight in years and still dangerous.

But his past self was very unsuspecting. Geiz faintly recalled glimpses of the statues the Overlord had proudly erected, the arms of a young man turning his arms like a clock; though stone couldn’t account for how fresh and innocent Zi-O was as a teenager. His arms are hopelessly skinny and he didn’t seem deterred by a fellow past human who flipped him onto the concrete.

 _Perfect_. It’ll be easier to assassinate him.

Ignoring the growl biting at his stomach, Geiz manoeuvred his machine to press itself against the wall.

 

 

Geiz had the Overlord trapped just where he wanted him – in one of those “tunnels” made of brick and glass. The future would’ve had materials Geiz couldn’t dent even with a time machine. Thankfully the past lacked the adequate supplies to make that happen. Just when he pried open the claws of his machine, ready to snap Zi-O into half (cleanly at that), _something_ – or someone – knocked his machine aside.

Geiz hissed in pain, pressing himself against one of the walls, and when he regained his bearings he noticed the purple tints and silver gleam of a machine very similar to his. _Tsukuyomi_. Geiz scrunched his mouth together. He still couldn’t comprehend why she’d want to let an overlord of time to _live_ when either way, he’d become Zi-O and damage their own lives.

Pain sheered through his stomach again. Geiz groaned and rubbed at his stomach, willing it to be silent. Perhaps he was hungry? It shouldn’t be; Geiz had eaten merely minutes before, crunching on a rice ball as he chased Zi-O through the streets.

Another ripple of pain. Geiz bent over, gritting his teeth.

 _Castle Doran was wonderfully furnished but it still lacked a bathroom_.

Geiz whipped his head around, trying to find something resembling a cubicle in the time machine. _Nothing_. “Out of _everything_ you could put in here, you couldn’t make a bathroom?” he complained, frowning as Tsukuyomi whisked the Overlord through a portal. Probably off to another time period. But no matter – Geiz could detect the particles left behind by her time machine. He could catch up with her in second –

Hunching over, Geiz rubbed at his stomach again. “There’s no way I’m using a past bathroom,” Geiz muttered, recalling the diagrams he had seen. They were oddly shaped seats with a hole filled with water and if not careful, it splashed against – he’d rather not think about it.

 _You will need these_.

Sighing heavily, Geiz fumbled about for the bundle, unravelling one of the pants. “This is for the sake of finding Zi-O and assassinating him for the future’s well-being,” he repeated to himself as he removed his current pants and put on the identical ones.

 

 

Geiz prayed that the future wouldn’t record what had happened after that.


	2. Camouflage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, high school. The origins of the grand Overlord Zi-O, who first took hold of his powers as a third year high school student. I suppose for the time being I should watch his progress both as the king who will rule us all and as a student by posing -   
> Why are you here?  
> What a weirdo  
> Aren’t you a little too old for high school?  
> ...posing as his teacher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date written; 14 September 2018  
> Series: Kamen Rider Zi-O  
> Auhtor's Note - Inspired by a caption I made to a Kamen Rider Zi-O fan art as seen here: https://iris-14cheonsa.tumblr.com/post/178064099714/woz-ah-yes-high-school-the-origins-of-the-grand  
> I swear Zi-O may be that meme-worthy Kamen Rider series  
> Also I actually like Woz a lot because he uses bombastic language but manages to be humorous XD

While Woz was indeed loyal to the Overlord of Time, he couldn't completely revel in the glory of his presence. Despite the Twilight Chronicles recording that Kamen Riders needed a year at most to master their powers and Woz's own sheer confidence in his king, it was not yet time. He was still young - merely eighteen and rather naive about the majesty his future held. Woz would like to encourage him, prompt the king-in-training to follow methods he thought best for his education -

But he must not interfere with the course of history. The Twilight Chronicles, he noted once more, turning another page, recorded that Zi-O's ascension to become king was similar to the paths set by ordinary  _mortal_ kings. It will not be linear, despite how neatly and concisely it was printed in the book Woz carried with absolute care.

He closed the Twilight Chronicles, cradling it in one hand with a tiny smile. For now, his loyalty lied in the future this volume held.

 

 

 

He has read up on the history of past humans multiple times. Though Woz's own memories of the future were dimming with time - outside the conclusion that Zi-O shall be king - he still remembered how he could carry more than one book within his grasp. Indeed the Twilight Chronicles was his favourite book of all (and it should be) but Woz did take  _some_ interest in the plights of the past. Concepts like "theories of time travel" and "high school"; the future pertained that many of these  _theories_ were inaccurate though it didn't strip their interesting values.

Like this "high school" his king was currently attending. _Most amusing_ , Woz thought, perched on the stairs as he gazed at the activity fluttering below. His brow crinkled faintly upon catching sight of the young man - Geiz.  _Attached to his buckles I see_. Even if Zi-O will eventually overpower him, Woz needed to ensure Geiz wasn't caught in his delusions of supposed "freedom" and ended up eliminating Zi-O. That would be...inconvenient, to put it mildly.

And there was the young miss Tsukuyomi, dressed in past fashion and eating quietly from her plate. To think she had been opposed to the rule of Zi-O when she sat next to their king during the breaking of the fast. Woz would have to congratulate her for her understanding later on.

"It's their first day, Sougo," the young king's uncle said, carrying a jug of bright orange liquid to the table. "You better look out for them so don't fall asleep in class."

"I won't, Uncle," murmured the Overlord, still chewing on a mouthful of toasted bread. Woz thoughtfully put a finger to his chin. So it seemed their king needed to consume delicacies in his past life as a civilian. Interesting...

 

 

 

"Why do you keep popping up everywhere?" Zi-O complained, sitting down on the steps to tie his "shoelaces" together.

Undeterred, Woz swept his arms open, the Twilight Chronicle balanced in one hand. "You are the future king of this world. Wouldn't it be required of me to see your place of residence prior to your ascension?"

"Yes, yes," replied Zi-O with the colour of monotone. He must have picked up that mannerism from the Past Build. An unfortunate habit - he must be depleted of it in the future. "I know I'm going to be king one day - a good one - but aren't you overdoing this?"

"Why shouldn't I?" questioned Woz with genuine perplexity. "While the Twilight Chronicles record your history, it does not divulge in other aspects of your current life. For example the breaking of fast and how you've been born to have an association to the very symbol of time itself."

Zi-O stood up, tapping the toe of his shoe against the floor. "Well, take your time looking around. I'm off!"

"I hope you guys have fun!" called out the king's uncle.

"I shall await your return," Woz replied, bowing his head.

 

 

 

So many other young folk were in the streets, wearing identical uniforms - perhaps schools were one of those "military institutions" Woz has heard about - and laughing in the bright light of the autumn sun. Luckily it didn't keep Woz from finding Zi-O, standing next to the contraption of a "bicycle" (he should use the motorcycle for a grander entrance) while Geiz berated him for something. At least, that was the impression Woz was getting, with the fingers clutching around Zi-O's face like a vice.

Woz clicked his tongue. "That young man should be more careful with his king. But," he declared, shutting his book with finesse, "it is not my place to interfere. For now."

 

 

 

This high school took an absurd amount of time - time Zi-O could spend mastering his powers and hastening his path to be king. The Time Jackers' efforts were fruitless (Woz could already tell from the contents of his book) but they were what enabled Zi-O to claim his royal birthright faster. While Woz was amused by these territorial past adults, the fifth time he was pushed out of the school grounds a frown was weaving its way into Woz's mouth.

He gazed down at his attire. Perhaps he needed to choose another course of action.

 

 

 

Obtaining a uniform was relatively easy.

Adjusting the fake spectacles on the bridge of his nose, Woz strided across the school grounds, paying no mind to the attention a large number of females bestowed upon him. Which reminded him - romance. The king needed no one ruling at his side but there was a possibility the king wanted to obtain a consort in this present time. If so, there would be no harm in assisting the king for that endeavour. She'll harbour no ill effect on the future and Woz knew if that was the case. The Twilight Chronicles said it all; a branch of time that initially broke off from the main course only to lead back to Zi-O claiming his throne.

He continued to walk on, his soles of his boots cushioned by the lush verdant grass in the fields.  _How perculiar_ , wondered Woz. The future didn't have weeds littering the ground Zi-O walked on; more like decaying corpses, black ash, rusting weaponry. The time travellers Woz had once read about in a "science-fiction" novel would have mourned over the loss of organic life but  _Woz_ knew this ascertained the power of Zi-O. He is able to bring life and claim lives as he pleased.

Obviously that placed him above the power of a similar Kamen Rider who had ruled over dimensions.

 

 

The final bell alerted Woz that the king was exiting the grounds. Rising to his feet, Woz tucked the Twilight Chronicles under one armed and proceeded to trail after Zi-O.

"- I wonder why everyone is so obsessed with that game," Tsukuyomi mused, her arms crossed over each other.

Geiz scoffed, tucking his hands into his pockets. "The past is like that, Tsukuyomi. Not everyone knows how to fend for themselves. Must be why they let him" - he jerked his head to Zi-O - "take over the world."

"They're just having a lot of fun," Zi-O objected with a bright smile. "Don't you have mobile games in the future?"

"Perhaps we did," Tsukuyomi leaned in "but we don't have time to handle such trivial activities."

"Since you're ruling over the world and everything," Geiz darkly scowled.

"Well, I'm not going to be like - wha - " Zi-O stopped dead in his tracks. Woz naturally stopped too - he used to stand three steps behind the king after all - though he didn't account for the blank stares he received in turn for his amiable smile.

Perhaps they were tired from school. "Good afternoon, my king."

Zi-O didn't seem flattered by the greeting. "Why are you here?! How did you get here?!"

"And what's with the uniform?" Tsukuyomi inquired, an eyebrow raised in disbelief. "Woz, you can't exactly pass off as a high school student."

"But it isn't compulsory for me to choose another form of dress. I can wear what pleases me and," Woz smiled again, "these school uniforms are rather comfortable."


	3. Sale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’m seeing more of this [the preview photos for episode 37 of LuPato] as Keiichiro 1) offering to go on a camping trip with Kairi but the latter refuses by pushing him very dramatically or 2) Keiichiro advertising the camping equipment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date written: 21 October 2018  
> Series: Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patoranger  
> Author's Note - Inspired by the odd preview photos I'm seeing for episode 37, as provided by this link: https://iris-14cheonsa.tumblr.com/post/179261800409/blue-sappir-going-without-proper-context-these  
> Keiichiro probably doesn't live so far away from the city/workplace, but I decided to write that in anyway since this is a crack one-shot  
> Normally I'd be bothered that this is less than 1000 words but once again, this is crack ^o^ I don't need to put so much thought into it, lol

Admittedly, now that Kairi was ironically acquainted with someone from the legal forces - as in he was communicating with the enemy (of sorts) - he didn't mind that Keiichiro now stopped by...more than he'd like. But then again, he had to get used to it since, as Touma put it, the Patorangers were customers and the Lupinrangers were the bistro staff. As long as they kept up the facade (until someone caught them), they were in the safe zone.

He would really say otherwise, because Umika was conspicuously out of sight (she was still on her way back to the bistro), Touma was washing the dishes, and Kairi -

"I insist, Kairi-kun," Keiichiro said, pacing up in down in front of Kairi. The latter clamped his hands on his knees but (wisely) kept his mouth shut. "It's not so bad, when you think about it."

"When I think about it, Kei-chan," Kairi grinned for a split second to trick him, the darn policeman, "I say no."

Keiichiro stopped in his tracks and whirled round, throwing out an arm. If Kairi had been Sakuya...well, there was a difference between acting like some surrogate older brother (which Keiichiro  _wasn't_ ) to a supposedly normal teenager and a superior towards an inexperienced junior. Anyone could guess who had the rougher treatment. "But this is the best camping equipment they had available!"

Maybe it was, judging by the drab colour of the tent (Kairi preferred red), the collection of camping gear set about in neat piles at each corner of the tent. Actually, how did Keiichiro even manage to set up  _camping equipment_ inside the bistro? Last time Kairi checked, he had stormed into the bistro to see Touma blatantly ignoring that a policeman was setting up a tent. Apparently he got permission to do so...but this was  _Touma_. Either Aya got revived out of the blue or Keiichiro was that convincing.

(He doubted either option was true, but for once a logical reason would sound the apprehension looming in Kairi's mind.)

"I have a job here," Kairi reminded him with suppressed mirth. Any signs of joy could lead to the wrong message being conveyed, after all. "Touma would beat me to a pulp if I left without saying anything."

"Which you already do."

Kairi resisted the urge to point something rude at Touma. "Thank you for supporting me."

"I think a break should do you good," Keiichiro went on, "and the salesman said this won't take long to set up, compared to other tents. I was surprised too, since I hiked about three kilometres on foot back to the city - "

" _Three kilometres on foot?_ "

" - and came here to see that Touma was in. Not so sure about Umika-chan though - but anyway, I'm sure you'll love a camping trip."

Kairi stared dubiously at the tent. "I guess." Except he was the one who'd say he'll get firewood and by the time anyone remembered to check on him, Kairi had roasted through two packets of marshmallows for smores and other confections. "But why are you telling me this?"

Keiichiro blinked and lowered his arm. "I honestly don't know," he admitted, "but the owner said business wasn't doing so good, and I personally don't have the time to go on a camping trip myself - "

"But didn't you go to the hot springs a few weeks ago?"

"That..." Kairi stifled a chuckle at the varying emotions fighting on Keiichiro's face. "That became a different matter altogether. But back to my original point. Kairi-kun, just as a favour, could you please try this camping equipment and give me a review? I'm going down there in the upcoming week so it'll be better if I could hand in the review in person."

"You could try doing it yourself the next time you get a break then." Kairi stood up and stretched long and hard, because keeping his back rigid and off the back of the chair made his shoulders stiffer than wood. He sauntered over to the counter. "I'm going to bed. Wake me up for tomorrow, Touma."

"But the owner has been thinking about orientating their provided supplies to younger people, Kairi-kun," Keiichiro insisted, following after Kairi.

Kairi rolled his eyes - he had enough for one day, with the homing beam and all, and  _buying camping equipment_ was the last thing on his mind - and grabbed Keiichiro by the lapels of his suit. "That's why I'm telling you I'm. Not. Interested." With each emphasized word, Kairi gathered enough strength to pull Keiichiro and let go of him so that he stumbled towards the door. "Thank you very muchly for coming!"

"Kairi-kun!" Just as Keiichiro staggered back to his feet, Kairi rushed out the door and up to his bedroom. "Wait!"

"I'm not buying!"

Wincing at the ripe burst of pain on his shoulder, Keiichiro massaged his shoulder. "Ow...he'd make a good combat partner if he ever chose to be a policeman..." Keiichiro cast a look at the camping equipment and slowly, as if Kairi possessed him, shifted his eyes to Touma. It was _very_ unlikely but maybe, just maybe… "Um, Touma-kun, would you - "

"No."

Keiichiro sighed and brushed the dust off his suit. "I thought so."


	4. Visual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sougo: …What are you wearing?  
> Geiz: I could say the same for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date written: 24 November 2018  
> Series: Kamen Rider Zi-O  
> Author's Note - Because we've gone from well-dressed Kamen Riders (barring Gentoku) to horrendous colour palettes, ice cream shades and clashing accessories  
> Even Woz has something to say about that and let's say that is what provokes Geiz into fighting him in the Wizard arc  
> Inspired by this commentary I made: https://iris-14cheonsa.tumblr.com/post/180410666894/sougo-what-are-you-wearing-geiz-i-could-say

"You're wearing that over your school uniform?" Sougo asked facing Tsukuyomi, then Geiz. It was safer that way, as Tsukuyomi was likely to soften Geiz's reaction before the latter decided insulting one's fashion sense meant Sougo was an evil overlord. But honestly, Sougo questioned whatever had Tsukuyomi pin her mantle to the shoulders of her uniform, and for Geiz to clip his collared contraption over his uniform. Maybe they did it to comfort themselves, Sougo decided.

Luckily Geiz merely narrowed his eyes but kept walking behind Sougo ("in case you decide to run off and do funny business," Geiz stubbornly said when Sougo tried to have them walk side by side). "You're one to talk."

Sougo innocently blinked. "Hm?"

"Don't fight this early in the morning," Tsukuyomi uttered without looking behind. "Otherwise Sougo will be late for school."

As if she could see him, Sougo nodded and continued wheeling his bike up the hill. Geiz simply focused his eyes on the hem of Tsukuyomi's fluttering white mantle.

 

* * *

 

Clothes weren't that important, particularly when Tsukuyomi came from a timeline where peace was sparse. She had to make do with having dirty and torn clothes, if that meant they were one step closer to defeating the Zi-O in gold plated armour. Even so, a tiny frown marred her brows upon spotting the clothes Sougo changed into straight after school. They only served to emphasize how  _skinny_ he was (especially when he put the belt on, his waist was slimmer than Tsukuyomi's), being several sizes bigger and horrendous in colour. Actually, dark blue wasn't such a bad colour on him but -

"Sougo's on the thin side, isn't he?" Junichiro had walked up to her with a fresh cup of green tea in hand. Out of politeness, Tsukuyomi took the saucer and cup. "He doesn't seem to gain weight, no matter what I feed him." Junichiro briefly looked down at his own stomach. "Well, at least he didn't take after me - or his father."

"Excuse me," Tsukuyomi distractedly said, "but those clothes. Does Sougo buy them?"

"Hm? Ah, those are hand-me-downs. They used to be his father's. Not that he had the best fashion sense," Junichiro chuckled while walking back behind the counter to pick up a screwdriver. "He definitely took after his father in that department."

Tsukuyomi nodded as if she understood.

(Not really.)

 

* * *

 

"Your insistence to wear that accessory is beyond comprehension," Woz deadpanned from his perch on the veranda.

Geiz glared up at Woz; tall and dark as he was. "It's only because you sided with that overlord that you got those clothes," Geiz spat back, like his eyes would burn several holes into the folds of Woz's scarf. If only they would. "You look like a pile of fertilizer."

"Unlike you," Woz continued without care for Geiz's remarks (the shameless lapdog), "I at least coordinate everything to suit each public appearance I make. You, on the other hand..." He deliberately scanned the collar hiding Geiz's neck, the buckles pinching the fabric around the chest of Geiz's shirt. "...look like an overgrown child trying to fit in clothes that are too small for you."

"You're as annoying as ever," Geiz uttered, already storming up the stairs.

Woz shut his book with one hand, not losing his amused smile for a second. "It would be bad manners to injure the herald for the overlord of time."

"Say that after I beat you up."

 

* * *

 

When would Geiz learn that observing Sougo was better over attacking him for the littlest of reasons? Well, Tsukuyomi wasn't completely sure that Sougo would be an overlord one day but tampering with history was, overall, a delicate process. Why, despite how good-natured Sougo apparently was, Geiz's constant antagonism could've been what made him rule the world with an iron fist.

"Both of you, stop it!" Tsukuyomi scolded, raising her voice so it bounced off the walls of the warehouse. They should be fighting the rampant Another Riders, not each other. She maintained a sharp glare as Sougo and Geiz cancelled their transformations, revealing their clashing outfits. This time Sougo chose to wear moss green over  _pink_ and Geiz - seriously. Fashion was the least of their problems...even if Sougo was, this time, a full-on colour collision of different past foods.

Rather than saying  _you both look hideous_ , Tsukuyomi locked eyes with Geiz, then Sougo. "Now it isn't the time to fight. We need to track down the Another Rider."

 

* * *

 

"You're actually not that bad," Nitoh laughed like Geiz's glare was the funniest thing ever. "But..." Nitoh made a show of scanning Geiz up and down. "You should get rid of the baby buckles."

"They're not baby buckles - " Geiz tried to shoot back, but Nitoh was already trudging away with his camping gear in tow. "Oi!"

"The next time we meet, let's get some donuts! And a shopping trip if you're still wearing those baby buckles."

"They're not - "

"They  _are_. I already made my cameo, so let me leave already." Nitoh huffed to himself and threw the Beast Watch up into the air. "Man, he's so straight-laced for a kid."


	5. Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Noel made it back to Japan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date written: 8 December 2018  
> Series: Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patoranger  
> Author's Note - Okay, I didn't make any captions on this, but back when episode 37 aired, I was really hoping that Noel would get hit by the homing beam and end up in France and it didn't happen for obvious reasons. Also, it's likely that he might be a Gangler - or even the descendant of Arsene Lupin from his mother's side, so...yeah.

He had to be prepared when the Gangler attacked.

Noel familiarized himself with every Collection piece he possibly could, whether by his own investigations or stealing snippets from the book Kogure kept near his side. His own transformation devices not only matched his occupation, but were perfect in countering Gangler and rangers when needed. He still needed many nights in his workshop to perfect a form where he could use both at the same time.

Also, Noel didn't use vulgar terms as freely as the usual police officer or phantom thief but right now, it was probably appropriate.

Very appropriate.

He managed to scream for a good twenty seconds when the Gangler's power pulled him into the air and flung him away.

.

His throat now ached from the strain.

So far Tokyo had become a series of towers and squared colours and Noel was still flying through the air, neither at break-neck speed or at a slow pace. It could almost be comfortable, sailing through the air in his otherwise brilliant silver suit. Perhaps a little too brilliant; he saw some passengers in a passing airplane cover their eyes.

He shouldn't have thrown away the cloak when he made his debut.

.

Around twenty minutes later, Noel was nowhere near the ground - not that he could see it. It seemed the Gangler almost deliberately chose to send him across Asia first, as opposed to simply making a shortcut across America, then Britain, and finally Europe. And knowing the Collection's power, Noel could only wait for this to end. His powers and abilities were useless for this situation.

Noel could only cross his arms and shake his head. "Oh la la, this is taking a bit too long."

.

His stomach started growling at the five hour mark.

If Noel remembered correctly, the time to directly fly from Tokyo to Paris took a good fourteen hours. Unfortunately, it wasn't like he could order something when he wasn't in a plane to begin with.

Maybe he should shoot a bird the next time he saw one - but then there was the question of cooking it.

.

He chose to quell his hunger by thinking about anything other than looking at the clouds.

Truthfully, and according to a book he once read, no two clouds were the same but Noel just didn't have that kind of patience. He could tolerate a seemingly infinite number of Collection pieces, the never-ending flow of Gangler, Keiichiro's temper tantrums and many other things. Looking at clouds while stuck in a silver suit for this long...he had to admit it slightly irritated him. Not too much, just slightly.

.

He ran out of things to think about at the nine hour mark.

Noel didn't know what else to do - it wasn't like he could do device maintenance at this height.

.

Ten hours later and Noel nodded off several times with to the fatigue of being suspended for so long in the air.

"I probably should've thought of Tokyo as my home and not Paris," he mused, deciding to put his weapon aside and calling it a day. He stretched leisurely, which was surprisingly easy, and closed his now weary eyes. "Keiichiro-kun and Kairi-kun probably handled the Gangler by now."

.

He woke up four hours later with a lurch.

Noel sat up and looked about the room, trying to recall where he saw the gold framed portraits, the red carpets - oh. Right, it was the Lupin Mansion.

"So I finally made it," Noel breathed with relief, cancelling his transformation while dusting off his uniform. "Now, I should probably take the flight back to Tokyo."

.

The meals provided on the airplane were stellar (maybe not as much as Touma's cooking though) and Noel enjoyed a good rest as he returned to Japan. But he didn't expect to see Keiichiro carrying  _camping supplies_ into the office, and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh la la, what did I miss?"

Tsukasa peered at him over her cup of coffee. "Nothing you need to know."


	6. Men Made of Mud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What kind of idiot believes the Earth is flat?  
> .  
> Based off a hilarious tweet I read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Date written:** April 1 2019  
>  **Series:** Kishiryu Sentai Ryuusoulger  
>  **Author's Note** \- It's April Fools and coincidentally enough, [a tweet](https://twitter.com/KibaYuuji/status/1112408313063448577) got me inspired to type up something quick for the latest Sentai series! Bear in mind that this was written pre-episode 3, so if you read this in the future please excuse any OOC. Also this is crack. Utter crack.  
>  For those who read my other series, I'm busy irl so I can't get around to updating those just yet. But I'll make my comeback when I can ^-^

Outside his training sessions, Melt’s knowledge was nothing next to Kou – just _Kou_ as an essence, an exemplar of knighthood, even if their masters critiqued Kou for his blunders.

Melt could recite the books he read in the archives; Kou knocked down an army without trouble. He easily melted into the background; Kou emanated a spark few people had for life. Melt did his best to keep within the code of conduct. But Kou? Kou eagerly, ever so _foolishly_ , like the earth was flat despite countless scientific proof, proclaimed Asuna’s strength to be monstrous – and survived.

(Kou ended up with a crick in his back for a week, but that was beyond the point.)

For if anyone suggested right here, right now, that being a childhood friend stimulated bias, Melt would call it utter nonsense. Ridiculous. Knowing Kou for all his life, adjusting to the vast gaps in their intellect; none of it would prepare him for this.

His knowledge wasn’t meant to be reduced to this tired, exasperated state of –

 “Kou. The Earth is _not_ flat.”

“Why not?” Kou held up a tablet with undying glee. “Ui said so in her latest video!”

Melt disliked abstract arguments but the situation called for it to navigate through Kou’s simple, _idiotic brain_. “How can you believe the words of someone you just met over your childhood friend?”

Kou’s smile wavered for a second. Emphasis on _second_. “But Ui’s a nice person!”

“But she’s not a reliable source of information.”

“She’s not a book, Melt.”

Melt picked up a thick volume from the table. “I know _that_. What I’m trying to say is that you can’t just believe her.”

“Why not?”

“To be a provider of reliable information requires research. Research involves reading.” Melt opened the book at a random page. “Reading means finding sources, analyzing and comparing them before putting them into a single document for – Kou. Are you listening?"

Kou grinned again. “Sorry. I lost track after the reading bit.”

Melt’s hands twitched. But throwing a book would uselessly sacrifice knowledge to Kou, idle as he was with a tablet at hand. And Melt wouldn’t risk giving Kou any concussions at this period of time. Instead, he closed the book and held it against his chest.

“Kou, I don’t think Ui’s…conspiracy video” – Melt wrinkled his brow – “has the evidence to back up her claims. And I know it’s hard for you to accept, since you consider her as a friend, but she isn’t always going to speak the truth. That’s why I’m asking you, Kou. Can you look at me in the eye and say the Earth is flat with absolute conviction?”

Kou looked down at the tablet, strangely quiet. Perhaps he was contemplating the truth in his words, despite being as blunt as swords. The years had taught Melt that Kou could be lacking basic knowledge but his heart was always in the right place. Surely Kou would choose the truth over a lie.

Surely.

“Okay, Melt. I understand.”

Melt breathed. “So you do – ”

Kou stared back at him with absolute conviction. “I _definitely_ think the Earth is flat.”

Melt dropped the book onto the table, not caring if several paperbacks bore the book’s weight. “Come back when you gain several brain cells.”

“I think I have plenty of them!”

“No, you don’t.”

“Knowledge isn’t everything. I can fight!”

“Say that when you don’t use a stink bomb for the _third time in a row_.”

“It was a mistake, Melt! Everyone makes them!”

“I don’t want to hear it from someone with one brain cell – ”

“Hey, Ui uploaded another video!”

Melt managed to hear something like _so did you know that since the Earth is flat, we can actually reach other planets by walking_ as he stormed out of the room with several books in his arms.

*

Melt later found dropping the book resulted in a paperback edition being folded at the cover, to his inconceivable regret.

“Do you need help?” Asuna asked, eating her second banana for the day.

“No, no, I got this,” Melt murmured, carefully pinning the paperback under ten volumes. “There. I think that should work.”

“Hm.” Asuna chewed some more. “Hey Melt, Kou told me the Earth is flat.”

Melt sighed. “Oh, that. Don’t worry, it’s just Kou being – ”

“I didn’t know the Earth was flat.”

“ _Not you too._ ”


	7. Primary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to tell the difference between your enemies and allies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Date written:** 12 March - 28 May 2019  
>  **Series:** Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patoranger  
>  **Author's Note** \- I can't find the link/post but basically I couldn't stop thinking about a Power Ranger GIF post where they're like "who should we attack?!" and one of them goes "anyone not wearing a primary colour!"  
>  I feel like this is the most crack piece of all crack pieces I've written for this series

Sometimes the Gangler was a genuine threat to society; other times they were a waste of space.

This Gangler was a waste of space.

For all Kairi knew, he was either fighting a swarm of Poderman or a bustling, noisy rainbow that tried to cut him down with paintbrushes and shields shaped like palettes. He hated art in high school so now he despised it and all this colour was blinding his eyes.

(Though admittedly, he was the last person who should be saying that.)

He tried to slash one down - an orange Poderman got in the way. He tried to gun another down - a pink Poderman got in the way. By the fifth time this happened, Kairi wanted no more than to use his VS Vehicle and run them all over.

But he needed that Collection piece. All three of them did.

"What should we do, Red?" Umika cried out, punching a yellow Poderman square in the face. "Their numbers keep increasing!"

"Kogure-san warned us about this," Touma said, somewhat loud above the explosions and grunts.

"The primary colours get knocked down in one hit, the secondary colours need to be killed three times." Kairi sighed, putting his hand to his hips. "What a bother. Maybe they're the Gangler in disguise."

"But how are we going to do that?" Umika narrowly avoided a collision of pink and white Poderman before standing near Kairi. "He's going to get away at this rate! Oh, maybe we should ask Kogure-san - "

"Not happening."

"But _why_ , Touma?"

"You  _know_ why."

"But Noel-san isn't here! So Kogure-san should help us - "

"Not happening."

"Touma!"

Kairi began tapping his VS Changer against one hand. They couldn't afford wasting time. Actually, this entire mission was a waste of time, sans the Collection piece. And Kairi despised art. But if high school taught Kairi anything - he started to grin under the helmet - it was using shortcuts.

"We need that Collection piece...and in times like this, you need a police officer to help you."

Umika tilted her head. "Huh?"

"You guys!" Kairi yelled out, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Attack the ones who aren't a primary colour! They'll go down faster!"

Umika punched him in the shoulder, right on top of a bruise. "I don't see how that's going to help us!"

"It will!" Ignoring the throbbing pain in his shoulder, Kairi gleefully pointed at the Patorangers. "Look!"

Sure enough, the Patorangers stopped fighting, as if surveying the battlefield. Kairi watched with bated breath. As inflexible as Keiichiro was, he was gullible at times like this. Perfect. Just what Kairi needed.

But instead of charging ahead with new orders at the top of his lungs, Keiichiro slowly turned to look Sakuya, then Tsukasa.

Kairi furrowed his brow. "What are they doing?"

"You two..." Keiichiro started, holding his VS Changer up to his chest.

Sakuya relaxed his stance. "What is it, senpai?"

"You're not Porderman, are you?"

Tsukasa lowered her gun to her hip, heaving a sigh. Sakuya just spluttered and fumbled with his VS Changer before dropping it.

Kairi and Umika started snickering. Hard.

"We've got  _visors_ , Keiichiro," Tsukasa pointed out - and quite literally, by way of tapping her helmet. "We can talk too. What on earth are you thinking?"

"Well, all our enemies are in secondary colours."

"So you're saying we're enemies? That's ridiculous."

"Are you listening to Lupin Red, Keiichiro-senpai?"

"No way!" Keiichiro screamed, his voice crackling around the edges like they could cut Sakuya into pieces. "Why would I listen to that thief?!"

Sakuya huddled over his VS Changer, shaking all the while. "But you just asked if we're Porderman - "

"Did you say something, Sakuya?!"

"N-No, I didn't! Not at all!"

"You did!" Not to the surprise of many, Keiichiro grabbed Sakuya by the scruff of the neck and hauled him up. "We can't trust what those thieves have to say! They're our enemies, you should know better! Giving the thieves leeway is like letting the Gangler escape for their crimes! You're a police officer, Sakuya! How many times do I have to tell you?!"

"I'm sorry, senpai!"

"Stop it, you two!" Tsukasa planted herself behind Keiichiro and tried to pull him away from Sakuya by the shoulders. "Focus on the mission! And Keiichiro, you're being unreasonable!"

"I'm not!"

"You kind of are, senpai - "

"You're not helping your case!"

"I'm sorry!"

" _Sakuya_!"

" _I'm sorry_!"

"Keiichiro!"

As the Patorangers struggled and yelled at one another, Kairi pressed a hand against his aching stomach, practically doubling over in laughter. "This was better than I expected!"

"It worked!" Umika cheered, clapping her hands. "Great job, Red!"

Touma shook his head. "Can we go back to work now?"


End file.
